


期待外れ (kitai hazure) nightmare

by haeni (hanijima)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Implied Character Death, M/M, implied suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-10-18 21:07:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10625154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanijima/pseuds/haeni
Summary: Encased in a dark realm, cold metal bars gripped by fragile fingers, and faint sobbing. Everything is set. Cue the hysteric wailing and we’re ready to go.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xiujaemin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xiujaemin/gifts).



> HAPPY GRAY(TEEN) DAY! It's still 31st of July so, consider this as a birthday drabble? yey. excuse me if there are grammatical errors, i'm on autopilot. lol.

Encased in a dark realm, cold metal bars gripped by fragile fingers, and faint sobbing. Everything is set. Cue the hysteric wailing and we’re ready to go.

…

A few meters apart, eyes gaze at each other lovingly as if they were long time lovers separated by clichéd obstacles. Luhan wants to lunge forward, to grab Minseok by the collar and kiss him senseless right then and there between the busted coffee maker and the dusty photocopier machine. But that’s too obscene. He settles for a soft smile and a quick bow before they part ways to their respective offices.

…

Nails digging on soft flesh are like carving pictures on skin. And this is the first thing Luhan does when the door to his apartment clicks shut. He lies on the cold floor, cheek pressing onto the filthy ground.  
Luhan allows his tears and the hum of city life outside his window lull him to sleep.

…

Lips pressed on soft necks, hickeys and grunts of pleasure are Minseok’s favorites—or so Luhan thinks. Maybe Minseok likes the part where Luhan strips both of them, bare of any stuffy suits that take too long putting on. Maybe he likes something else.

On the other hand, Luhan doesn’t mind how inconstant and erratic Minseok’s thrusts are or how his fingers dig harshly onto Luhan’s hips—enough to leave bruises. All Luhan cares about is how warm Minseok feels when he envelops Luhan into a hug after all the sweat and begging.  
Minseok is his and he is Minseok’s.

…

Luhan hauls a cardboard box to his balcony, a lighter resting idly in his back pocket. He pulls out a stack of polaroids and with all the pent up frustration and anger, he manages to rip each and every picture. Once. Twice. Thrice, for good measure.  
A stack of letters come next, he doesn’t even take the time to read who it was from and he ignites it on the ash tray, silently watching paper turn into ugly ash. The torn polaroids go up in flames next, above the remaining dust of the letters, and Luhan sees a torn smile.  
A stupid gummy smile stares back at him until it turns into ashes.

…

“Baozi, let’s go out!”  
“Lu, you know we can’t,” Minseok answers him, eyes glued to the book in his hands. Luhan snuggles closer, about to ask him why as if he doesn’t know the answer. Minseok however continues before Luhan can speak. “People from work might see us and who knows what they’ll spread around.”

Sadly, Luhan procures a tight smile. He tucks his head under Minseok’s chin, opting to bask in the apartment’s silence and the steady beat of Minseok’s heart.

…

Luhan dreams again and it’s always similar to the same one from yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. It’s so repetitive yet the impact is as strong as if it were the first.

His dreams always start with something hopeful. It begins at the same place at the same time, a week before summer officially ends, at a sandy beach in one of the provinces.

Then it goes like this:

Minseok reaching to grab his hand.

Minseok smiling at him.

Minseok opening his arms to hug him.

Minseok running to him, with a smile on his face as he encircles his hands on Luhan’s waist before he leans in to kiss him.

And just when Luhan is about to feel Minseok’s fingers entwine with his, just before Minseok hugs him, just before Minseok’s lips reaches his, he wakes up.

And like that, Luhan cries. Just like every other night and he ends up pacing around the room in an attempt to tire himself to slumber. And it doesn’t disappoint. Lethargy pulls him down and Luhan firmly closes his eyes shut, wishing not to dream of anything at all.

…

Luhan misses a picture tacked on the cork board in his room. He gets up from his bed and harshly detaches the photo. His heart stings with the cheery ambiance the photo gives off. Luhan knows it’s not there anymore and it’s just his imagination, but it still takes him all of his will power not to fall down to the floor and bawl his eyes out.

Minseok isn’t his anymore. But why is Luhan’s heart still his?

…

Luhan’s hand stings as it hits Minseok’s right cheek.

“Here, take the other side as well,” Minseok shamelessly offers his left cheek and if it weren’t for his placid tone, Luhan would have beaten the shit out of him.

…

Luhan screams his head off. Why is he recalling the incident? Why did  
Minseok stare at him with dead eyes? _Why, why, why, why?_

He rushes into the bathroom, pulling open drawers and medicine cabinet until he found his medicine.

…

That night, Luhan dreams again. But this time he dreams of a tall white gate.

The height intimidates him more and more as he fails to push it open.


End file.
